Broken Heart?
I have seen this idea being spread that “no one can break your heart” and that only you can break your own heart, and that any time you feel that your heart is broken, it’s just because you have - apparently unreasonable, in some people’s eyes - expectations. This is a very harmful and unnatural way of looking at things. I don't recommend anyone take on this way of looking at things. It will set you up for failure and always feel like you are failing at being a good, conscious, evolving human being.
The heart is real. There is a real energetic connection you form with another human being when you get into an intimate relationship and make agreements with each other. Your connection is formed in the neural network of your brain. Bonding with another human being is as natural as atoms bonding together to create the molecules of life. You can read more about the neurobiology of how this works here.
If your heart doesn't get broken when you lose someone who you’ve lived with as a life partner, then you're probably extremely narcissistic and lack the ability to bond with other people on a deep level beyond just using them to get your own needs met.
Let's look at what one creator whose video I recently listened to said about expectations here. Expectations are formed from agreements that are made. If you sign a written agreement with someone that they are going to pay you for the work you do for them, you will be expecting them to pay you, will you not? Because they made that agreement. That's what they said they would do. You signed a written agreement, even. If you then do hundreds of hours of work for them, and then they refuse to pay you, even though you did the job correctly and kept your end of the agreement, should you feel like you are the one that's wrong if you expect them to keeps their word and pay you? There are so many consequences of harm that could come to you from putting in weeks of time of work for someone and then not being paid.
It's unnatural and unrealistic to say that you should just not care no matter what happens to you. It's inhumane. Where is the fabric of our communities, then, that keep us united if we cannot trust each other to keep our word?
Intimate relationships are the same. If you make an agreement with someone, and they break it, your heart will be broken and it will take time to heal. There is nothing wrong at all with this. This is how nature works. Our hearts are as real as any other aspect of our being. This is like saying that if someone pulls your arm out of its socket, you’re unconscious and unevolved for being in pain. Nature created us to bond with a life partner just like nature created us to bond with our mothers and fathers when we are born. Why do we have two eyes, two ears, two legs, two arms, etc.? Because our bodies work better that way. In the same way, we can more easily survive when we partner with someone. If you are injured, you can recover so much faster if someone is there to take care of you and feed you and things until you can get out of bed. It takes a lot longer to heal when you have to lay in bed and starve until you heal enough to get out of bed again, for example. Do you know what the first signs of civilization and communities that archeologists always find in an area are? It’s not pottery, or tools, or weapons - it’s a broken femur bone that has been mended back together again. In nature, if you break your leg and there’s no one to care for you, you die. You become some animal’s next meal. A broken leg that has been mended shows that there was someone around to care for that person and save them. All of these reasons and more are why nature created us the way that she did, and this is reflected in what happens in our brains when we find ourselves “in love” with someone - which, again, you can read about here. I don't think these people who are trying to be more conscious and highly evolved than everyone else by saying these unnatural things understand what happens in our brains when we bond intimately with someone on that level at all.
The KEY to preventing the pain that they are attempting to say can be prevented by not having expectations, is to instead, take enough time to build a strong foundation for an intimate relationship before entering into it, before making agreements with someone, making sure you can trust them, making sure they are an honest person who would never make those agreements with you if they were going to break them for any other reason less than you betraying them yourself and not keeping up your end of the agreement.
Some think this is not possible, that it's not possible to be honest. This is not true. We get good at what we practice. The things that gold-medal award-winning gymnasts do don't seem very possible to do either, for example, but they can do those things because they practice them. If you practice honesty, you will be an honest person. If you practice manipulating people, you'll get good at that too. We all have a choice. The key is to take the time to know who someone is before entering into agreements with them and trusting them, not blaming yourself for having a broken heart if someone breaks their agreements with you. The only thing you can blame yourself for, in that case, is not taking the time to really find out who they are before entering into that agreement with them.
That’s why I developed this 7-Step Blueprint for building a strong foundation for a lasting, happy, and peaceful relationship with a life partner, patterned after nature. The vision of how this works in nature was given to me from within, and I am happy to share it with you today. The foundation of our communities are our families, and a peaceful, loving, and united family creates strong, healthy, and bright children, who are the fabric of our future.
I have programs and services available to support you in this process. Connect with me to learn more or subscribe to my newsletter so we can stay in touch.
